To everything there is a season...

Life is hard.  Things get thrown at us and we either duck or get hit.  I've done more getting hit than ducking and while I'm thankful for every lesson learned, I am more than ready for something good to come my way.  I know, I know...it always gets worse before it gets better, but I'm telling you, if it gets much worse, there won't be anything left to get better.  I've had the abusive narcissistic boyfriend, the horrific breakup, the DUI, the flunking out of school, the traumatic family situation, the crazy girl gang fight, the walking home barefoot, the stalker, the terrifying event that comes with a stalker, the back of a cop car, the creepy bartender drug catastrophe, the homeless week, the eviction, the selling possessions for food, the hush-hush job, and so much more that I'm not even ready to share.

I just kept falling further and further into this unimaginable life and I lost myself, really lost my grip on life.  I didn't know who I was or what I was doing anymore.  I quit working out, it took an act of God to make me quit crying and I hated to look in the mirror.  I've been in some deep holes, but this one, it was the deepest darkest place I had ever experienced.  Friends urged me to see a doctor and get some help, but I couldn't make that decision.  I knew there was something seriously wrong, but I have never been one to actually DEAL with a scary situation like this.  I'm a huge "avoider."  I will avoid bad things like this until I can't anymore, and that's exactly what I did.

If it weren't for my parents and close friends, I don't know where I would be.  If it weren't for God, I know exactly where I would be.  I wouldn't be alive, I know that full well, my life reflected exactly what I had made it, a life without God.  Anyway, this isn't a blog about getting my life right with God, although I did, this is about tomorrows, new days, fresh starts, turning old habits and patterns into change and success.  The seasons change and with them comes new, bright and exciting seasons...seasons full of hope and life and chances and growth.  But what is so hard to grasp during the dark times is every season gives hope, life, chances and growth.  I never saw the possibility in my struggle until I realized the struggle is actually part of it.

"...but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint..."  Romans 5

If in the beginning we could experience the end, would that make life easier?  More often than not I think I can't do something, like I won't make it, and more often than not I get to watch myself jump up and down with excitement as I accomplish whatever it was I thought I couldn't.  All throughout life, we measure our success by what we learn and overcome, but the hardest thing to realize is that we possess the strength needed to do the impossible.  I can't count the number of times I've succeeded, the number of times I've fulfilled a dream or accomplished a goal or even triumphed something I failed in the past.  But knowing my success has never made life less scary.  I have proven to myself time and time again that I can do anything I put my mind to and it never gets easier...

It does, however, keep me from quitting.

Because I've seen so many seasons come and go and so many struggles turn into success, I know I have a fighting chance.  I've seen another year come and go and not without incredible struggle.  In fact, this past year has been the hardest yet.  I'm hoping this new year will bring much hope, life, chances and growth...and maybe throw in a few extras too!  Here's hoping 2013 to be a year of blessings, success, love, family, accomplishment and fortune for us all!!