The Weight of Forgiveness

"Forgiveness is an act of the will and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart."  

~ Corrie Ten Boom ~

There is this constant struggle between forgiveness and blame that overwhelms the heart in times of pain, and more often than not, blame gets the better of us.  "Hurting people often hurt other people as a result of their own pain..."  There is selfishness in blame and it comes with a heavy burden.  There is selflessness in forgiveness but sometimes it comes with an equally heavy burden.

Today was a day full of blame, full of sorrow, full of anger, full of regret and full of defeat.  It was a day a family remembered a life stolen, a man gave up his life,  and two separate families mourned the losses of their sons.  It was a day of sorrow and brokenness but it was also a day of compassion and forgiveness.

September 7, 2010 my cousin, Heath Jackson, was murdered in his home by intruder, Ricardo Strozier and today was the last hearing in the ongoing trial in which Strozier would be pleading guilty and receiving the sentence of life in prison without the possibility of parole .  I sat back in my chair wondering what it would feel like to see him walk through the courtroom door.  Would my eyes flood with tears?  Would I get hot with anger?  Just the thought of it made me sick and to prepare myself for the hours of reliving the darkness of that day with my family, broke my heart.  As he walked in, I felt sadness, not just for my family but Ricardo's family as well, for they were experiencing a brokenness comparable to ours.  As the proceedings started and the details of the crime against Heath were graphically argued, I couldn't believe my sweet and loving family was actually living this torment. Why Heath?  Everyone loved Heath!  I couldn't help but think that if this guy could have known Heath, he wouldn't have taken his life, he would have had a greater understanding and appreciation of life.  In place of this fantasy, I watched Kleenex boxes passed around and I listened to my family describe the impact of this senseless crime and the heartache it's caused, while telling stories of Heath focused intently on love, kindness, mercy, compassion, grace and forgiveness.  Heath's mother said, "In the beginning I thought the only justified punishment for Heath's murderer would be the death penalty, I wanted his family to hurt as bad as we hurt...however, as time went on my heart changed.  Because I realized, if my son could speak to me, he would ask me to show you the same love and compassion that our Lord has shown us."  She went on to quote Luke 6:37 "Forgive and you will be forgiven."

Today had a large impact on my life as I watched my own loved ones suffering and in their excruciating pain, stood before a man, who in most circumstances should have been treated with deserving disrespect, imparted love and grace far beyond what words could express.  I watched my family comfort the Strozier family.  These two conflicting families found solace in forgiveness today.  Heath's mother hugged Ricardo's mother and prayed with her, the very woman that raised the man that murdered her son.

Forgiveness doesn't mean we've forgotten Heath and the ultimate price that he paid that day.  It doesn't mean we are condoning the crimes committed by Ricardo Strozier.  It doesn't mean anger is completely gone and it doesn't mean the burden is lighter.  It means we've consciously made the decision to constantly release feelings of hate and resentment towards this person who doesn't deserve forgiveness, and even before he asked for it today in court.  Hate is corrosive and forgiveness enables healing.  And when given the choice to live a life of retaliation or compassion, we choose to do unto others as we would have them do unto us.

“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.” 

― G.K. Chesterton