Bulletproof

What can I gain and what can I lose?  Are the possibilities worth the process?  This thing...it keeps me awake at night, confuses not only my mind but my heart, beats the tears out of me...is all of this, the heartache, pounds of tears, frustration, and literal pain worth the outcome?  The problem is, I'm never guaranteed the outcome I want. In fact, I'm not even guaranteed that it's real at all!  The more you think you have the real thing and end up disappointed only to find out that it wasn't what you thought, the more you believe it's not possible for you.  Have you figured it out yet?  The thing, this terrible, hurtful, cruel, afflictive, wounding, devastating, destructive, sinister, wicked thing is, you guessed it, love.  Yes, I sound bitter, and yes, I am...but let go of your facade, at some point in your life, you know you've been there too.

No matter what we do we can't get away from love - the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Sure when it's good it's GOOD, but when it's bad, well, it can get pretty ugly.  We're taught from birth how to love, some learn that love is something you say while others learn it's something you do.  Love means different things to each of us.  To some it means money or sex or a white picket fence and to some it means quality time, physical touch, giving more than you care to receive, and selflessness.  Selfless, or otherwise known as unconditional love, is hard to come by and there are many people who will live their whole lives never giving or receiving it.  It's that kind of love that pulls at your heart like a magnet, never gives up, doesn't care what the truth is because it needs honesty, puts up with anything, doesn't keep score...

...it causes you to want the happiness of someone else over your own.  Love is not perfect but it helps you look past a person's imperfections and flaws and even causes you to love those flaws...

I haven't been in love many times (with a boy at least) so I'm not the expert, and the only true love I have to talk about is that of my family, but it's because of them that I've seen the picture of unconditional love.  I know when you love someone you give up your comfort, space, time, and you learn to compromise, get along, share, and communicate.  Of course there will be big fights, times you want to run away, and there will be hard situations you will come across...but at the end of the day, true love causes you to know that you can't live without that person, your life would be less meaningful, and you learn that forgiveness has to be given often.

To my future love,
   I can't wait to love you with all of my heart, soul, mind, music and everything I can give to you.  I am ready for love and all the joy, the pain, and all the time that it takes...if you give me a chance I'll prove this to you, I will be patient, kind, faithful, and true.  I'll do the best that I can. {thank you India}  I want to know everything about you, trust you with my secrets and not be ashamed, feel comfortable and safe, and never stop getting weak in the knees every time you walk into the room.  I can't wait to smile at you forever.  No matter what, the possibilities will always be worth the process.

Love,
Hayli