When everything is dark, a single bright light gives me hope...hope that I'm on the right track and that love is close by. This single bright light surrounds me and heals my heart for a moment as I follow it back home...
I've been living at a place not worthy of who I am...I've lost my self-respect, dignity, and sadly I've forgotten my passions and desires. I've always had a long list of standards/expectations but I've barely stuck to any of them...the problem with settling is that it changes who you are and you begin to make excuses that sound so ridiculous to everyone around you but for some reason, they make sense to you. The more I say these excuses out loud, the more people laugh and remind me that I sound like an idiot, and the more I begin to realize what they mean when they say, "Come on, Hayli!! Do you hear yourself??" I've said the word "but" more than I should've, and "it's just going to take time" longer than it should've ever taken...it makes me look pretty idiotic to not only believe the crap, but to actually defend it to my family and friends like I trust that it is authentic and trustworthy and probable.
What makes us settle?
Do I think I'll never have better? No, I know that I could have better. So why even worry myself with these insignificant things? Because these things aren't worthy of me, not that I'm so high and mighty, but I was given the life, the abilities, and the talents I have for a reason...and it sure as hell wasn't to sweep them under the rug and forget about them while I live in a situation that causes me stress and pain.
Letting go of certain jobs, relationships, places, drama, a lifestyle, worry - sure I'll be sad (for some reason) but realizing what I deserve and aiming for that from now on makes me feel relief and excitement. I don't know what will happen but that's part of the fun...
I will say that I am happy that I can realize when I'm headed down the wrong road before I lose control (in a metaphorical way, because sometimes when I drive, well...) and all the things I've worked so hard for all my life get thrown out the window. I don't want to live in a place not worthy of who I am...and I will do whatever it takes to live the life I have imagined so many times, and that life will involve my passions and desires with a person that compliments those passions and helps me accomplish my goals while I help him accomplish his.
So treat your love like a firefly, like it only gets to shine for a little while. Catch it in a mason jar, with holes in the top, and run like hell to show it off...
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